missing you

trying to leave love that is deep inside you is complete denial.
like scooping out a baby that you want to carry full term, it's so gentle in there, waiting to be recognized and nurtured
so hungry this love
undeniable, the instinct to breathe as natural
and no matter where i turn it's inside me
throbbing and waiting

my mind returns to really lighthearted times and it's nice
your back in the sun, that deep line that runs down the middle and into the base, muscles that flex and relax under touch, and i watch you holding things in your hand
like keys or a bottle
it seems so impressive and now i'm
swinging my hand back and forth pretending i'm you
scuttling with your head down and the white smile of a shark



im stuck here.
in love with an idea which became reality against odds
through hard work and pleasure and jetfuel
and credit cards and pasta twirling around a fork and
pinot noir swirling in a glass.

you are the best

elizabeth

rest in peace...what else can you say
though it has a predictable tone to it
it is respectful
and i would like to thank this legend for her contribution to womankind.

she was loved by wild men and tamed them
(__________'s letters to her made me cry when they were published this year).
her headstrong passion, sexuality and talent
we can all learn from.

inspiration

dance like you're not the whitest tool on earth
love like you're never heard of a restraining order
sing like you just shit yourself on american idol
live like heaven is complete denial of reality

teach me how

to sew hems
to dance comfortably in a classical way with a man (ballroom, waltz)
to not over explain things
to drive on the other side of the road
to fillet a fish
to speak italian
to not be stubborn
to read a map
to practise perserverance
to enjoy mustard and other evil condiments
to do things alone
to meditate
to accept people who make grammatical errors
to buy my own socks
to eat slowly
to let things go

unchain my heart

pleeeeeeeeeease!

how long will it take?

the dude abides.

images

my world is reduced to images
i'm looking through a microscope and the focus goes in and out until clarity comes quick and sharp
a black man faces the eiffel tower; buddha faces the couch that curves perfectly
for two bodies foot to foot
and the lights are dim and warm

tonight is a small world
water glasses refilled and socks padding across the floor
not really going anywhere
at all

the blinds have slats with a fine coating of dust
and the bath is getting grimy
like teeth do after too much sugar
but the sheets are well worn and clean
and ready
tonight is a small world and one person
lives here

everything sounds better in scottish

ohhhh ayyyyye

FAT BASTARD: one of the hottest scots around (but i like full figured men).

SOOOOO TRUE.

just a little shout out to _____, a longtime friend and scottish sensation, for being just that.
a supportive, consistent and grounded girl with a cheery face and easy disposition. her gorgeous face with its light dusting of freckles, and swinging around it that multidimensional golden hair- she brings to mind sexy and impish at once- and she always lights up the hours i'm around her.
thank you _____! keep doing what you're doing, good things are coming to you.

in other news, stanley park: wow!

raindrops are fat and delicious today. the air thick and grey and soupy in that march way. little buds are coming out on the magnolias, pussywillows look sweet and fuzzy, and i jumped for joy when i saw cherry trees blossoming beside the lagoon! the swans and ducklings were floating in the water and seemed warm and content enough; then, as i was turning away, a giant raccoon wobbled by with its davy crockett tail bushing out behind him. his nose was a wet black marble and he must have been busily sniffing out the skunks and squirrels scampering around, enjoying his role as mightiest of the small-to-midsized forest dwellers.

...and on we go. this time of year brings change and resoluteness. i am always too busy trying to survive winter to do anything noteworthy during that time (at least it would seem that way) but as spring springs, so do i. my steps seem a little lighter and i do my mental and emotional cleaning up. my brain flops down a staircase like a slinky in the winter but as the days get longer i can pick it up and dangle it and swing it around. by summer i'm soaping up the slip-n-slide.

living

is this really it?
...come on...stop messing with me.