where is the action people?

it's hard to believe there are no ways to get yourself into this kind of trouble on a daily basis.
for example- where are all the shirtless men hanging out in underground parkades?
i've never seen one.
the closest i've gotten was a pantsless one pissing on the door to the stairwell.
so unfair. meanwhile there are hot brunette girls in spandex pants and those aritzia jackets with the fake fur lining every ten feet. i can't leave the house without tripping over one.
they look so "pretty". even the word is simple and bland. the entire city got the memo 'boring in 2011' and memorized every word.


the guys all look like they got their ass whupped by the 1990's. really...square toed dress shoes? stove pipe pants? and they STILL get laid, since girls here are so desperate for cock they have to overlook giant babies who don't cook, dress like shit, have bad haircuts and only want to eat at cactus club (and split the bill).


seriously, if more people were hood-wrestling in parkades i'd go out more than once every few days.
i'd even settle for a grandfather tackling me onto the hood of a k-car at this point.
apparently men get labotomies at birth here, personality swap with the deceased at age ten, and a thorough style removal at fifteen.


what hope is there for the attractive yet clinically insane (sorry, there is a giant mirror here)?

biebs knows what's up: frat jackets they sold at roots in the 90's. undeniably canadian.

job

They are going very very  slow

Strolling girls and low slung bags over shoulders

All I know today on this, the day

The window opened and out flew my soul

It’s cold outside and with every slinking minute I grow bold

Such is the life I apparently strive to live

And the purpose of it wanes and waxes

Extremely stupid

That’s ok

I get better

And you

Competition

Shrinks into a little spark and disappears

life's a beach

sun, mon.
that is me with a jamaican accent.
i'm wearing a rainbow hat with dreadlocks stitched onto it and no clothes and i've jacked the heat up
to 32 degrees and my living room windows have fake sunshine scenes mounted and i covered my couch in towels and rented a dumptruck.

earlier today, i drove the truck to the beach and filled it with a shitload of sand. i almost got caught by the parks board but i was wearing an orange reflector vest i found in a dumpster, plus a fake mustache which is glued on very securely (i only had superglue at home) so i looked legit.

i backed the truck into the lane and spent a few hours carrying buckets of sand into my apartment, scattering it layer upon layer until it was a foot high, and then i formed it into a crescent shape. i sat down and rested for an hour until it was dark.

i went across the street to my neighbour's yard and, as quietly as possible, sawed off a tree i had picked out earlier in the week. it was about a foot thick- perfect. not too much sap either, and since it is winter, no pesky leaves. i dragged it off their lawn, weaving back and forth so they would not know which direction i was headed once i got it on the sidewalk. once inside and positioned on the sand, it was a perfect beach log.

i ran warm bath full force until it overflowed, and i watched with glee as water rushed out of my bathroom, down the hall, and into the living room. it took several hours for only a few inches of ocean, but the crescent of sand held up beautifully, as i knew it would. i waded through and used half a bottle of blue food colouring creating the perfect "caribbean hue".

lights, camera, action: on went the heat lamps (stolen from sears- no one checks the patio department in the off season), on went the 30 spf (you can never be too careful) and on went the bikini bottoms (i threw care to the wind and went topless). blender drinks for one are so much fun! and who doesn't love bob marley.

i'm never getting a roommate. i've always found them to be neat freaks.

city maze

the city in winter. how can i change my spectrum? i'm awaiting springtime with the crocus who tremble with the new frost each morning. they bend down and hug the earth and wait for the strong spring sunshine to warm their backs and help them stand.

the months are sneaking by; we are getting there. but on the dark days the streets take on tall, frightening bushlike qualities. the sun not so visible. winding black rivers into drainpipes, the runoff of snow and cold rain, collecting flickering leaves that beckon in their last airborne seconds like hands waving.

we all run around so discontent. i love seeing people who radiate satisfaction and gratefulness. most of my life i have been that person.


but it's hard to break out of a slump. whatever you call it- limbo, unsteady, rocky, lacking, frustrating, lackluster, nightmarish, unsettled- it holds you like a jealous lover. it's frighteningly hard to break free. it strangles the words from my throat and it sounds so lame to say that; so cliche, but i'm wrestling with invisible chains of my own creation, fumbling for hedgeclippers. 

putting it out there for the world to see is liberating. 

watch dis

it's alright y'all, here we are to put you in a good mood with food
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzaURfgehHc

you're all in trouble

everyone is boring except _____. she is the coolest person in the world.
why can't everyone be her (and me)?
in a recent survey held, it was found that that everyone on earth had similar wishes.
they were also too scared to state otherwise.
there was a pile of switches and spike heels beside the examiner's table
and a firehose hooked up to a hydrant connected to a reservoir of tequila
and strippers in masks gyrating around a midget on a unicycle eating a sandwich
while his grandmother got a lapdance and eight shirtless highschool seniors
reenacted a rugby game in slow-motion and then poured
gatorade all over each other while i lead them in a rousing cheer
and _____ kicked each interviewee in the face.

soup's on, bitch

oh yah

recipe for simple, detoxifying and delicious green soup:

four crowns broccoli

two yellow onions

one bunch kale

three cloves garlic

two tbsp coconut oil

bunch cilantro

bunch parsley

salt

fresh cracked pepper

to make:

*add onion and garlic to warmed oil; sautee over medium for 5 mins

*add chopped broccoli and chopped kale, sautee another 5 mins

*cover with water, bring to boil, then simmer for 25 minss

*add fresh cilantro and parsley, salt to taste (i like shitloads) and optional:

tamari and miso for an asian flavour, honey and apple cider vinegar for sweeter flavour

one more option:

drain off over half of the broth (freeze and use for future vegetable stock if you want; drink for vitamins now if feeling hardcore) and add:

*1.5 cups unsweetened plain almond or soy milk for a mild, creamy soup

*1 can coconut milk and a generous shake of curry powder (yellow or green work) for thai flavour

PUREE SOUP, IN BATCHES, NO MATTER WHICH RECIPE YOU USE.

...look out, liver!