thank you terry fox

today marks the 30th anniversary of terry fox's death.

for those of you reading from other countries, you may or may not have heard the name. terry fox was raised just outside of my hometown, vancouver. since i was a little kid i ran the terry fox run every fall, and even throughout highschool would listen once a year as teachers, students, or anyone who wanted gave emotional speeches in his name.

terry fox died when he was only 21 years old, on june 28th, 1981. his right leg had been amputated a few years before, and though he continued to play sports in a wheelchair and run competitively, he was frustrated with the limitations his cancer imposed. he had an idea to run across canada and raise money for cancer research. he began the marathon of hope in 1980 in st. john's, newfoundland- his goal was to raise one dollar for every 24 million canadian citizens.

he was forced to stop running in thunder bay, ontario, after 143 days. he ran the equivilent of a marathon on each of those days, rain or shine, with one leg.
though i have been very lucky and healthy in this life and am blessed to have healthy people around me, i don't want to take this for granted, ever.

thank you terry fox.

i want the love that

makes me turn and listen to the bushes as i walk down a dark street
what is it?
>>>>>   LOVE   <<<<<<
it sounds so good in there
it makes every heart that walks by
skip a beat

....................................................................................................................................................................

the pages of the book are softly crisping against each other
there is a candle, perhaps, burning gently
on the table beside my bed
what is that light
what do you think it is
>>>>>   LOVE   <<<<<
of course

........................................................................................................................................................................

crickets in a hot desert at night
with rocks cooling and sighing beside them in the black
can only creak so brightly with
you to light them
i hear you. your persistence is attractive
since you follow gently and never push
i like when you take my hand and
guide me

.......................................................................................................................................................................

you are the only one i
>>>>>   LOVE   <<<<<

if it doesn't feel acceptable, it probably isn't.
and if it hurts, it isn't love.
right?

fuuuuuck.

baby, i

jaded me

now that i am 29, i can't believe how fast time is passing.
i used to look at a 29 year old and think: fuck!..take them out back and shoot them!
they are so old.
especially if they were clearly unsuccessful and a failure at life.
my friend tonight added, "and unmarried!"
i never noticed whether or not people were married though.
still don't.
i don't care about marriage, never have.

it seems so retarded! so impossible.
from another time. when people didn't ask questions, or travel beyond pages of the bible (or their fathers' command). before globalization, the internet, overcomplication.
honey, i'm jaded as a country singer with one black eye and a broken string on a greyhound heading back to omaha..."this will never work."
what's the point?
everyone changes, evolves or regresses, yearns to leave.
their hearts nailed to a couch with the grubby hands of children snatching. withering stares, mortgages. aging parents, cancer, alzheimers.
an obsession with pornography, drugs, youth. anything to inspire any feeling at all.

plus: everyone cheats.
i never used to, but now i do.
emotional insurance, _________ calls it.
he's a fag, and therefore has a realistic bar level in terms of expectations.
we want to fuck who we want to fuck when we want to fuck them!
we could all learn from this, if we were able to let go of our own insecurities. which, being heterosexual WASPs and emotionally stunted, is impossible.

put your balls or your pussy in a box, hand me the key, and shut your mouth when you're talking to me!
"i do."
ugh. spare me- i'm not even married or in a relationship and i'm over it.

if sex is a pain in the ass
you're doing it wrong

-rodney dangerfield

may his immortal words resonate
for all eternity.

bring me something

change is the best
if it happened everyday there would be no need for periodic drastic change
it would just be consistent, natural, organic, and flowing one event into the next
breakfast lunch dinner
meet greet defeat
i'm loving these new days of noneventfulness and work and routine
with change being something i need not acknowledge
for right now at least
it just happens
and happens
again

i guess today was full. like tuesday or saturday it just came and went and here i am at the end of it, saying "seeya later" and
"what the hell happened today",
retrospect being less than nothing.
a bottle of pinot and who cares about time and circumstance, professionalism, names to remember and
moreover:
who cares about chapters in life
unfolding daily yet not impressing me at all.

and YOU!

you're like gravel in my shoe that follows my footprint everywhere
annoying and still a part of me
and you are together
and you annoy me
and follow me
and leave your prints on my cups and my lips ache
your full mouth dirty and swirling with words
my eyes dropping to the ground imagining with each step your pebble is there!

go away
and yet stay!
stay with me

forever would be the best,
i'm a highschool kid with a flaming case of something.
you gave it to me.
thank you