jaded me

now that i am 29, i can't believe how fast time is passing.
i used to look at a 29 year old and think: fuck!..take them out back and shoot them!
they are so old.
especially if they were clearly unsuccessful and a failure at life.
my friend tonight added, "and unmarried!"
i never noticed whether or not people were married though.
still don't.
i don't care about marriage, never have.

it seems so retarded! so impossible.
from another time. when people didn't ask questions, or travel beyond pages of the bible (or their fathers' command). before globalization, the internet, overcomplication.
honey, i'm jaded as a country singer with one black eye and a broken string on a greyhound heading back to omaha..."this will never work."
what's the point?
everyone changes, evolves or regresses, yearns to leave.
their hearts nailed to a couch with the grubby hands of children snatching. withering stares, mortgages. aging parents, cancer, alzheimers.
an obsession with pornography, drugs, youth. anything to inspire any feeling at all.

plus: everyone cheats.
i never used to, but now i do.
emotional insurance, _________ calls it.
he's a fag, and therefore has a realistic bar level in terms of expectations.
we want to fuck who we want to fuck when we want to fuck them!
we could all learn from this, if we were able to let go of our own insecurities. which, being heterosexual WASPs and emotionally stunted, is impossible.

put your balls or your pussy in a box, hand me the key, and shut your mouth when you're talking to me!
"i do."
ugh. spare me- i'm not even married or in a relationship and i'm over it.