of all subects interviewed there was only one objection, and it was from myself, due to disbelief at how cool i truly am.
the objection was quickly denied and i moved on to post interview celebrations:
1. rolling a red velvet carpet ten blocks down the middle of the street in the central business district downtown
2. marching down said red carpet wearing nothing but a sixteen-inch high crown made of brass, duck feathers and large cubic zirconias. stopping half way down the carpet (block five) and removing said crown, smashing it onto the street, and jumping up and down on it twenty times
3. reaching end of carpet, balling hands into fists and raising them above head while slowly turning in circles and looking up at sky
4. screaming "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? ARE. YOU. NOT. ENTERTAINED?" several times while whorshipful crowds take photographs
5. enjoying customary post-march celebrations in my private limo.
this time the limo they sent was a white square one, equipped with two rotating red lights on the roof and a team of assistants eager to relax me after the days exhausting festivities. each of them was thoughtful enough to wear a crisp white dress uniform which set off the remaining duck feathers and shards of zircons remaining in my hair.
i would like to thank everyone who participated in the survey today and every day, reminding you that only YOU can prevent forest fires, and also that we have fought very long and hard for the right to vote, so please exercise this daily with your vote for ME as the coolest person to ever exist, ever, in any universe, real or imagined.
thank you
No comments:
Post a Comment