where is the action people?

it's hard to believe there are no ways to get yourself into this kind of trouble on a daily basis.
for example- where are all the shirtless men hanging out in underground parkades?
i've never seen one.
the closest i've gotten was a pantsless one pissing on the door to the stairwell.
so unfair. meanwhile there are hot brunette girls in spandex pants and those aritzia jackets with the fake fur lining every ten feet. i can't leave the house without tripping over one.
they look so "pretty". even the word is simple and bland. the entire city got the memo 'boring in 2011' and memorized every word.


the guys all look like they got their ass whupped by the 1990's. really...square toed dress shoes? stove pipe pants? and they STILL get laid, since girls here are so desperate for cock they have to overlook giant babies who don't cook, dress like shit, have bad haircuts and only want to eat at cactus club (and split the bill).


seriously, if more people were hood-wrestling in parkades i'd go out more than once every few days.
i'd even settle for a grandfather tackling me onto the hood of a k-car at this point.
apparently men get labotomies at birth here, personality swap with the deceased at age ten, and a thorough style removal at fifteen.


what hope is there for the attractive yet clinically insane (sorry, there is a giant mirror here)?

biebs knows what's up: frat jackets they sold at roots in the 90's. undeniably canadian.

job

They are going very very  slow

Strolling girls and low slung bags over shoulders

All I know today on this, the day

The window opened and out flew my soul

It’s cold outside and with every slinking minute I grow bold

Such is the life I apparently strive to live

And the purpose of it wanes and waxes

Extremely stupid

That’s ok

I get better

And you

Competition

Shrinks into a little spark and disappears

life's a beach

sun, mon.
that is me with a jamaican accent.
i'm wearing a rainbow hat with dreadlocks stitched onto it and no clothes and i've jacked the heat up
to 32 degrees and my living room windows have fake sunshine scenes mounted and i covered my couch in towels and rented a dumptruck.

earlier today, i drove the truck to the beach and filled it with a shitload of sand. i almost got caught by the parks board but i was wearing an orange reflector vest i found in a dumpster, plus a fake mustache which is glued on very securely (i only had superglue at home) so i looked legit.

i backed the truck into the lane and spent a few hours carrying buckets of sand into my apartment, scattering it layer upon layer until it was a foot high, and then i formed it into a crescent shape. i sat down and rested for an hour until it was dark.

i went across the street to my neighbour's yard and, as quietly as possible, sawed off a tree i had picked out earlier in the week. it was about a foot thick- perfect. not too much sap either, and since it is winter, no pesky leaves. i dragged it off their lawn, weaving back and forth so they would not know which direction i was headed once i got it on the sidewalk. once inside and positioned on the sand, it was a perfect beach log.

i ran warm bath full force until it overflowed, and i watched with glee as water rushed out of my bathroom, down the hall, and into the living room. it took several hours for only a few inches of ocean, but the crescent of sand held up beautifully, as i knew it would. i waded through and used half a bottle of blue food colouring creating the perfect "caribbean hue".

lights, camera, action: on went the heat lamps (stolen from sears- no one checks the patio department in the off season), on went the 30 spf (you can never be too careful) and on went the bikini bottoms (i threw care to the wind and went topless). blender drinks for one are so much fun! and who doesn't love bob marley.

i'm never getting a roommate. i've always found them to be neat freaks.

city maze

the city in winter. how can i change my spectrum? i'm awaiting springtime with the crocus who tremble with the new frost each morning. they bend down and hug the earth and wait for the strong spring sunshine to warm their backs and help them stand.

the months are sneaking by; we are getting there. but on the dark days the streets take on tall, frightening bushlike qualities. the sun not so visible. winding black rivers into drainpipes, the runoff of snow and cold rain, collecting flickering leaves that beckon in their last airborne seconds like hands waving.

we all run around so discontent. i love seeing people who radiate satisfaction and gratefulness. most of my life i have been that person.


but it's hard to break out of a slump. whatever you call it- limbo, unsteady, rocky, lacking, frustrating, lackluster, nightmarish, unsettled- it holds you like a jealous lover. it's frighteningly hard to break free. it strangles the words from my throat and it sounds so lame to say that; so cliche, but i'm wrestling with invisible chains of my own creation, fumbling for hedgeclippers. 

putting it out there for the world to see is liberating. 

watch dis

it's alright y'all, here we are to put you in a good mood with food
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzaURfgehHc

you're all in trouble

everyone is boring except _____. she is the coolest person in the world.
why can't everyone be her (and me)?
in a recent survey held, it was found that that everyone on earth had similar wishes.
they were also too scared to state otherwise.
there was a pile of switches and spike heels beside the examiner's table
and a firehose hooked up to a hydrant connected to a reservoir of tequila
and strippers in masks gyrating around a midget on a unicycle eating a sandwich
while his grandmother got a lapdance and eight shirtless highschool seniors
reenacted a rugby game in slow-motion and then poured
gatorade all over each other while i lead them in a rousing cheer
and _____ kicked each interviewee in the face.

soup's on, bitch

oh yah

recipe for simple, detoxifying and delicious green soup:

four crowns broccoli

two yellow onions

one bunch kale

three cloves garlic

two tbsp coconut oil

bunch cilantro

bunch parsley

salt

fresh cracked pepper

to make:

*add onion and garlic to warmed oil; sautee over medium for 5 mins

*add chopped broccoli and chopped kale, sautee another 5 mins

*cover with water, bring to boil, then simmer for 25 minss

*add fresh cilantro and parsley, salt to taste (i like shitloads) and optional:

tamari and miso for an asian flavour, honey and apple cider vinegar for sweeter flavour

one more option:

drain off over half of the broth (freeze and use for future vegetable stock if you want; drink for vitamins now if feeling hardcore) and add:

*1.5 cups unsweetened plain almond or soy milk for a mild, creamy soup

*1 can coconut milk and a generous shake of curry powder (yellow or green work) for thai flavour

PUREE SOUP, IN BATCHES, NO MATTER WHICH RECIPE YOU USE.

...look out, liver!

on the importance of preparation

THE FOLLOWING IS IN RESPONSE TO AN ONLINE QUESTION REGARDING ADVICE ON QUICK AND EASY MEALS. THE ADVISOR (FROM WWW.HEALTHYAWARENESS.COM) TACTFULLY AND SUCCINCTLY EXPLAINS WHAT I BELIEVE TO BE TRUE:

"I am afraid I will be of no help in giving you quick food ideas, but I would like, if I may, to express myself on food in general. In this culture, we have funny ideas about food. We cannot take the time to prepare it, which implies it is of low worth to us, but then we will pay large sums in fancy restaurants and such for others to do the work for us and serve us the rich and poorly combined food that promotes our illnesses. We tend to put our jobs, our leisure, our relationships ahead of food, something without which, none of those things would be concerning us. I see at least a part of the struggle with candidiasis as a healing of our relationship to food --- the thing we do not live and breathe without. There is nothing anymore important than this, nothing, yet we want it fast, furious, and deadly.

I too have a very busy job at a university and have stresses as well with which to deal, but until I began putting nutrition first and healing my relationship to food, I made very little headway with this affliction. Now, in spite of how busy I am or all else that needs being done, twice a day, I find a way to tie on my apron, cease all else, bow low, and enter my kitchen to prepare my “medicine,” my food. There is no more beautiful thing in my life. These meal-makings have become sustenance for me in more ways than one -- both physically and spiritually. This may sound very silly, but my kitchen has become my temple, for in it, I find nutrients for both the body and soul. The more I give over to each meal experience, the more I receive. Healthy food made with attentiveness and appreciative wonder tastes entirely different from food made in distraction or haste.

I hope this does not sound too silly to you, but this is very much the case for me. As I mentioned, until I gave myself permission to forsake all else, suspend all other worries and take whatever time is needed to eat healthy everyday, my progress was fitful and slow. I cannot tell each and every one of you how to make time for this. Each has to first understand its importance before you can understand that you CAN unseat your career, your stresses, your leisure and your relationships from top spot of energy draw, and in their place, place food, without which you do none of these things anyway. I meant not to discomfort you with this soapbox (nor did I mean to soapbox!), but everyone here shares their successful ideas, and this one is mine. Make as important as your life the living things you eat, and wonderful healing can come about on more levels than just one."

-an except from www.healthyawareness.com

 

EASY THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR HEALTHY INTESTINES:
since educating myself about the importance of digestion in bodily function, it is a mild obsession of mine. i'm not like one of those old men taking metamucil and obsessing about bowel movements, but i would be if my diet did not provide me with natural cleansing and elimination. the average adult carries 4-40 extra lbs of compacted waste inside their intestines and colon (i used to think it was normal to go to the bathroom every one to three days). this is an absolute disgrace and one that is not addressed since pharmaceutical and diet companies make an absolute fortune off the SAD (standard american diet) and it's related devastation on the body, in this instance bloating, i.b.s., chrones, colitis, constipation, gas, acid reflux, allergies, and the list goes on.

1. first thing in the morning, drink a cup of warm water with half a lemon squeeze.
benefits: alkalizing; bypasses stomach directly to bowels and aids in elimination; hydrating.

2. reduce sugar, and MASSIVELY REDUCE REFINED CARBOHYDRATE INTAKE. nothing white! you may want to reduce grain consumption of all types if extremely constipated, and eat more fresh foods. chew slowly, and reduce portions. if acutely bloated, blending foods and drinking fresh fruit and veggie juices will help deliver minerals without creating extra work for your organs. soups are easy and taste delicious and creamy when blended!

3. Exercise. This stimulates blood flow and digestion. Even a brisk walk will benefit. A good stretch afterwards, which stimulates the colon, is to lie on your back, and pull one knee at a time up into your shoulder for 30 seconds, then hug both your knees into your chest for 30 seconds, repeating.
4. Take probiotics. Ask a naturopath or even someone at a health food store to recommend a good one. These are great for immune support, healthy internal organs, digestion, and avoiding yeast (thrush) systemically.
MAKE SURE THEY ARE NON-DAIRY. you can get the exact same benefits in soy or rice based drinks or a basic capsule as you can from yogurt: fermented cow's milk with shitloads of added sugar (or more commonly, splenda or another cancer and alzheimers forming friend). i love bio-K (pictured above).

5. Try a cleanse! It may cause your family or friends to tease you or call you a drag since you won't be drinking with them, but you will feel like a new shiny car at the end of it. I really like the Wild Rose cleanse, but try any that are slanted towards freeing the body of candida, sugars, and free radicals, and that aid in intestinal/colon cleansing. Many come with herbal laxatives that sound scary but are great for a kick start.

6. Do your own cooking. Don't eat out for a week or two and see the money you save and how your weight stabilizes. When we eat out we tend to pig out (at least I do) and consume way more oils, chemicals, fats and volume than we would at home. Focus on eating vegetarian and as little dairy and sugar as possible (none if you want best results).

7. Try a colonic. Just do it. There are worse things than a hose up your butt for half an hour, and the waves of sheer pleasure and inner cleanliness afterwards are astounding. Also astounding: watching the frightening things that come out of your organs (think neon green toxins from the gall bladder and liver). Also astounding: how flat your stomach is afterwards. Also astounding: the technicians wanting to do that all day for a living.

8. However much water you drink, double it. Flush flush flush!

Good luck and remember, happy intestines = happy you!

when i get tired of talking

sometimes, when i get tired of talking, i listen to music, and i just sit there, and i listen to the music.
after all, there are only so many people who can handle talking about food for hours consecutively.
i also really like talking about other things too:

*vegetarian food (whoops)
*sex. whoop whoop! i get excited just typing the word! (sex talk goes on for hours consecutively but people are normally into it. admittedly i can be a little slow to recognize bug-eyes and/or revolt on someone's face). this is a hard one if nothing offends you.
*partying. this includes but is not limited to outfits, dancing in a funny manner (as in, "yeeeeah she was doin this move on friday that looked like this" -hops up and demonstrates), people getting loser drunk, how many tequilas were had, pictures taken, old men straddled (you know who you are), free cover charge, burritos eaten at 4am, and friends falling asleep on my couch with their butts in the air baby-style (you also know who you are).
*morning coffee and where to have it and what to put in it...cocoa? maple syrup? almond milk?
*pet stories (wet eyed)
*art, movies and people doing cool shit
*restaurants we've tried and want to try
*are you bored yet? because i'm boring myself to fucking death here.

sometimes you just need to stop talking and listen.
i get emotional looking at james and carly. i am carly (bear with me) with the big horsey teeth and big eyes and big lean in looking for love. she may look more like angelina, but i'm willing to try on her skin suit. and goddamn it- i love his sad face. he was a junkie (no one knew). she left him and he never recovered.

i'm not like one of those baby boomers squinting my eyes at anyone wearing destroyed denim, but culturally, come on! throw me a frickin bone, 2000's! there is a good new movement of music coming up now (more on that later, including a must-listen-list) but no one worth immortalizing in black and white.

holy balls!

"so hot right now"



..remember seeing this pic for the first time?

i do. and it shocked the shit outa me.

everyone was all, "she looked soooo hot in mean girls" and then BAM! this little treat arrives on the scene, and makes us fall in love all over again.

normally i'd say black would be more slimming... but she totally pulls off the red.

careful though- no dessert!

and nicole- "from flab to fab" here, just rocking it.

well, they say grey is the new puke.

hopefully the guy she married from that band who all wear paddington bear coats in june in l.a.

will sperminate her again soon and make it lucky number three

so we can download more pics of her trying to nurse

from the deflated paper triangles!

"it wasnnnnn't miiiiiiine"

'your honor, please present the evidence.'

(throat clears)

'on the night of july 17, approximately six grams of cocaine, three ritalin, three tabs of high quality blotter acid, two grams of meth, sixteen grams of hydroponic "northern lights" marijuana, eight capsules of ecstacy, one gram of mdma, twelve rohypnol, three tylenol, seven mai tais and one jumbo tampon were found inside the vagina of said accused.'

'and how did this evidence come to light your honor?'

'the accused was not wearing underwear.'

...BACKFIRE.

freedom comes

freedom comes when you allow it.
freedom is a powerful reality or an elusive thing, depending on mentality.
mental shackling is inevitable if you succumb to an ordinary life.

i want to live bigger, stronger, faster!
i'd jump on a plane everyday if i could.
where would i go?
i don't know.

does it matter anyway?

i like to vacation in my own city. it's very easy- you need to change the setting to STRANGER
so your eyes open a little wider and blink a little slower
and you swing your arms and look both ways before crossing the street
and read the names of shops you've seen a thousand times before
and the music flows into your ears and
you are awake and realize you are excited again to be alive
and you haven't been in a long time.

so long.
too long.
so sad to remember (i can't) and even though
the years might fly by as they say,
there are more years ahead to live
alive.

take the energy you need

energy is life



dirty girl living clean

another day, another blog. at least i'm sober this time!

i'd like to share a couple links with you, and i'm not talking about sausages. i'm passionately awakened of late, and am creating a show wherein i will tackle the subjects of nutrition, body work, product, art and artists, and the natural world...just to name a few. as the project expands and the episodes keep flowing out of my hamster-in-a-wheel mind and onto the screen for you, i'll be aiming to inspire those who watch.

goals at present include:

* point out the unbelievable benefits of an animal free diet
* share ideas on ways to save money, economize, and still be fabulous (ROCKIN THE RECESSION)
* highlight local businesses or independents that are making a difference and providing ethical products or services
* interview those people who inspire me
* cooking demos- demystifying veganism
* discuss things that are on my mind
* make people laugh and feel great

that is the gist so far. check out the two intro vids, do it, do it now, prove you're gonna do it, c'mon, do it, yeeeeah, like that, keep watching, almost there, BOOM!!!!! pass it on if you're feeling it. thanks/love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak_h2SkafEc     intro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjUF3UydIgM&feature=related   episode 1- kitchen tour


namaste, i'm gay, horses eat hay, yay yay yay

tuesday night

OOPS!

...i got drunk tonight.